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Bits and pieces

7th. May, 2006 | 10:32 am
mood: determineddetermined
soundtrack: Jewel - Becoming

Two lots of word association from Luna Nina (http://subliminal.lunanina.com) since I was ill last week (a piece of spectacular timing on my part - a four day weekend, wth lots to do since Beltane is still celebrated here by the general public and not just the Pagan community and halfway decent weather...and I got the flu.  I missed the entire thing since I was stuck in bed from Friday through to Tuesday - aargh!  I'm more or less back to normal now, though still coughing and spluttering a fair bit  (I have to appreciate the irony here, I managed to go the entire winter without getting sick, then got a cold followed by the flu as soon as the weather got warm)

Anyway, unconscious mutteri

  1. Out of place ::  uncomfortable
  2. Helicopter :: high
  3. Francis :: Drake
  4. Ryan :: blond
  5. Wedding :: white
  6. Apalled :: disgust
  7. Historian :: grey haired (yes stereotyping, I know!)
  8. Powerful :: drug
  9. Sex symbol :: attractive
  10. Uncomfortable :fidget:
and this week's:

  1. Represent :: symbol

  2. Mumbling :: embarrassed

  3. Meetup :: friends

  4. Tantalizing :: Tantalus (mythical bloke, from whose name the word comes)

  5. Fake :: plastic

  6. Dale :: trees

  7. Deny :: accusation

  8. Calories ::  ice cream

  9. Roll :: bread

  10. 44 :: 42

Looking back, I notice that there's very little original writing on this blog lately.  Even though nobody's reading it except me, I still feel the insane urge to justify myself:

  1. Life keeps getting in the way!  I love to write but I'm not prepared to be a hermit for it, and I am also not a nethead who spends every waking moment in front of a computer.  My workload is such that I have much more limited time to spend writing than I did while I was travelling.  I don't like that, but my studies have to come first, so that's how it's going to have to be until the summer.  Can you count writing as "seasonal work"?
  2. I am still typing up notes from when I was travelling and others written since.  Writing in a notebook is great in that it can be done anywhere, but the notes then require typing up and editiong, something I freely admit I am awful at doing.
  3. I have actually done some work recently, but it's mostly been on the Science and Religion thing, which is in a word doc on my hard drive and won't be getting published any time soon since I keep screwing with the structure.

Ok I'm done now.

And finally...
This is either a clever trick or slightly scary...

Possibly both.



Right, I'm going to attempt to clear my workload for a bit so that I can go enjoy the sunshine!

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Unconscious mutterings

25th. Apr, 2006 | 12:24 am
mood: tiredtired
soundtrack: Craig Armstrong - After the storm

1. Rising:: sun
2. Third:: rock
3. Disruptive:: noise
4. Surround:: sound
5. Distant:: voices
6. Suction:: pump
7. Fried:: oil
8. Nuggets:: chicken
9. Clip:: hair
10. San Antonio:: sunshine

http://subliminal.lunanina.com/
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In transit...

20th. Apr, 2006 | 06:19 pm
location: Flughafen
mood: rushedrushed
soundtrack: 3 Doors Down - Landing in London

I’m writing this in the airport – having gotten myself in a flat panic that I was going to miss my flight (something happened on the Deutz line and blocked everything, though I’m not sure what) I am now stuck sitting in departures. Huh, figures. My thoughts of writing at Easter were overtaken by the desire to clear some translations ahead of time – this appears not to have worked, but I’ll live.
I haven’t written much since I got back from travelling – as predicted, once I was back to normal routine, life got in the way.

I am trying though. My timetable’s changed (again!) and I now have an hour and a half between classes on a Tuesday morning. I automatically thought of using it to work, in the hopes of getting more free time at home, but I’ve realised that if I do that it will simply disappear and get swallowed up by other things and I will be no better off. I don’t like to “schedule” myself like this but I’ve realised I’m going to have to – otherwise I just won’t get to at all. I vaguely remember a quote from a Mallory Towers book (don’t ask me which one, I read them when I was about 13 but for some reason this just came back to me) “Don’t tell me to sit down and listen for them at 10 o’clock in the morning, it doesn’t work like that” - the girl is referring to writing music rather than words, but that’s exactly the reason I didn’t want to schedule time to write, I can’t guarantee that the thoughts I’ve been pushing away because I don’t have time to write will come back once I finally do.

I took on two extra classes this semester, one because I wanted to and another because I felt I ought to (this being French-German translation, which I don’t have to do this year but will have to do next year, so wanted to get a head start) but I didn’t realise just how much it was going to add to my workload. I seem to spend all my time either in classes, travelling to and from classes, or writing drafts for classes. I love what I do but right now there just seems to be a hell of a lot of it!

Plane’s boarding now, gotta fly!
(bad pun, I know but couldn’t resist it!)

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Unconscious Mutterings

16th. Apr, 2006 | 10:10 am
mood: awakeawake
soundtrack: Missy Higgins - Scar

1. Ambition:: Alameda
2. Meatloaf:: Rock n Roll hero
3. Celebrity:: search
4. Coach:: horses
5. Slacker:: work
6. Reflection:: mirror
7. Original:: copy
8. Risk:: safe
9. Saved:: disk
10. June:: sunshine

http://subliminal.lunanina.com/
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unconscious mutterings

9th. Apr, 2006 | 03:57 pm
mood: working(still) working feverishly
soundtrack: 3 Doors Down - Kryptonite

Buck:: Doe
Harry:: Dirty
Play:: theatre
Monstrosity:: DDR architecture
Nightclub:: Lights
Missing:: person
Sprout:: brussel (urgh!)
Flavor:: chocolate (mmm...)
Identity:: mistaken
Saucy:: ketchup

Still working like mad, just took 2 minutes out to make a cup of tea and wrote this while waiting for the water to boil.
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Unconscious mutterings

3rd. Apr, 2006 | 11:54 am
mood: tiredtired
soundtrack: Linkin Park - Breaking the habit

Desire:: frustrated
Sleep:: please!
Lost:: alone
2006:: year
Pump:: bike
Space:: stars
Stuck:: glue
Reference:: book
Birth:: death
Hand:: fingers

I've got a lot of work at the moment so have not written much lately, I've been too busy trying to keep my head above water. Right now I feel like I'm sinking, I'll write again when I resurface.
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Getting older

26th. Mar, 2006 | 09:42 pm
mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
soundtrack: Jason Mraz - Not tonight, not again

I haven’t written for what feels like a long time. I can’t pinpoint where it’s come from all of a sudden but my workload seems to have shot up. I’m staying on top of it, but it’s like a spinning barrel – I only stay on top of it if I keep running. If I stop it’ll flatten me, and every time I’ve managed to clear enough to give myself a breathing space that gap is quickly filled by the things I’ve been putting off “until I get a minute” and I still don’t write. I’m looking forward to the summer, when I hope I’ll be able to write “properly” – i.e. for long periods without feeling guilty because I should be working or being distracted by other things. I hate this at the moment where thoughts come to me, but I lose them before I get a chance to follow them. I have to start carrying a notepad, so that I can catch them, at least that way I might be able to go back to them. It’s frustrating, because I so want to write. I felt really good about some of the stuff I wrote in February (which I still have not typed up) and enjoyed the actual process of it – to follow my thoughts through and express them properly. Lately I’ve felt it building up in my head again, probably because I haven’t had this outlet, but at the same time there is always something else that I ought to be doing and I end up feeling like I can’t justify taking the time for myself when there are so many other things to do.

I’ve managed to clear myself a little breathing space for now, it’s my birthday tomorrow, and I’m going out  (3 Doors Down are in town for one night only, and it’s on my birthday – somebody up there likes me!)

I’m turning 20 tomorrow – quite a scary thought, that. They say “you’re as old as you feel” - I don’t feel old enough to be 20!  My mother said to me once that if she’s as old as she feels, she spends most of her time being about 35 with occasional bouts of feeling at least 70 – usually when her knees creak or she falls asleep over a book. In my head I'm still 17 a lot of the time!

I don't mean this in the sense of "oh no, I'm getting old!" - far from it (though I'll admit having a friend cheerfully tell me that I was now halfway to 40 was not exactly pleasant) It just seems as if I ought to feel more...grown up, somehow. It's hard to describe.

I wouldn't say I'm immature - I've quite often been mistaken for being older than I am - a man I met in Bremen said I gave the impression of being "already grown" (I'll take that as a complement) but at the same time, there are moments when I feel very young and quite honestly out of my depth - it's like a little voice in the back of my head is saying "what are you doing here?!"

I guess I'll have to grow into it...


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word association from Unconcious Mutterings

24th. Mar, 2006 | 11:30 pm
mood: geekygeeky
soundtrack: Kristian Leontiou - Love is all I need

I'm quite fond of meme's, quizzes etc. I've signed up to Luna Nina's "Unconcious Mutterings" (http://subliminal.lunanina.com) which is a word association list - thought it would be interesting.

There should be ten of these per week from now on, I did 100 from the archives to start.

Luna Nina Says :: And I Think

1. Paralyzed:: Hospital Bed
2. Bossy:: Boots
3. Worth:: lots?
4. Breathing:: In
5. Uneventful:: day
6. Return:: journey
7. Splint:: wood
8. Notice:: pin board
9. Hero:: Superman
10. Vulnerable:: broken
11. Alone:: quiet
12. Science:: white lab coat
13. Deposit:: flat
14. Faithful:: labrador
15. Tender:: kiss
16. Chocolate:: melted
17. Homework:: drafts
18. Tamper:: period (oops, sorry misread this as “tampon”)
19. Friend:: loyal
20. Wire:: copper
21. Long distance:: phone call
22. Meant to be:: fate
23. Here:: now
24. Endless:: sky
25. Resentment:: rival
26. Insipid:: sickly
27. Bunny:: ears
28. Slogan:: advert
29. Naked:: skin
30. Sarcasm:: grin
31. Taking sides:: shouldn’t
32. Couples:: hands
33. Right of refusal:: priority
34. Marla:: ?
35. Multiple:: orgasm
36. Trinity:: Maiden, Mother, Crone
37. Sneeze:: tissue?
38. Sweatpants:: comfy
39. Steve:: Lisa
40. Fabulous:: life of…
41. Unorthodox:: free thinker
42. Skate:: board
43. Hold on:: don’t let go
44. Europe:: blue flag
45. Reminder:: alarm
46. Gold:: silver
47. Calcium:: teeth
48. Rated R:: film
49. Saturday night:: out
50. Tell:: William
51. Right time:: Wrong place
52. Funeral:: Black
53. Calculate:: Sum
54. Believe me:: suspicion
55. Chat:: message
56. Anniversary:: wedding
57. Let you down:: Sorry
58. Shout:: sometimes you have to, to be heard
59. Sweatsock:: smelly!
60. Prayer:: Quiet
61. Baby step:: crawling
62. Wasted:: time
63. Reggie:: ?
64. Pitiful:: whine
65. Acting out:: scene
66. Tomato:: pasta
67. Bad night:: go to bed
68. Trip:: rucksack
69. Finance charges:: grrrr!
70. Sport:: trainers
71. Upgrade:: download
72. Happy ending:: film
73. Stale:: bread
74. Tripping:: over own feet
75. Working:: hard
76. Explicit:: lyrics
77. Happy place:: inside head
78. Tornado:: windy
79. Medication:: pills
80. Muppet:: Kermit
81. Displacement:: camp
82. Grease monkey:: mechanic
83. Vacancy:: room
84. Conquer:: army
85. Payroll:: Dad (he's a programmer)
86. Personal:: Ad
87. Housewife:: Desperate
88. Lateral:: thinking
89. Tissue:: Nose
90. Multiplication:: numbers
91. Sugar rush:: smarties
92. Chemical:: formula
93. Suspension:: car seat
94. Defending:: warrior
95. Conference:: microphone
96. Dance:: tango
97. Weather:: rain
98. Fuel:: wood
99. Heartbreak:: chocolate
100. Insult:: shout

phew!
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24th. Mar, 2006 | 07:04 pm
mood: impressedimpressed
soundtrack: Dido - Mary's in India

Stumbled onto this via a link. This guy is an activist in Virginia (US)
He's got poise and drive that's way beyond his years (not to mention considerable stones, in my opinion)

His journal is here: http://tullysatre.livejournal.com/8396.html

I really, really hope he goes into politics - Congress won't know what hit it!

Good luck to him!

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A meme

23rd. Mar, 2006 | 06:07 pm
mood: happyhappy
soundtrack: Sheryl Crow - Soak up the sun

Got sent this via email and thought it was kinda cool, so thought I'd post it. Anyone who wants to join in feel free to post yours under comments

Where were you...

· 25 Years Ago (1981): I wasn’t here. My parents definitely weren’t married and possibly weren’t even seeing each other yet.

· 20 Years Ago (1986): I was still inside my mother and remained there for another 3 days until the doctors got bored of waiting.

· 15 Years Ago (1991): I was 5, in my first year of school and had white-blonde hair (which sadly didn’t last). Memories from this far back are few and fuzzy, I vaguely remember getting yelled at by Miss Roberts for fidgeting during prayers and getting called “rabbit” by 2 boys in my class because I’d just got my adult front teeth (one of those little boys is now one of my oldest and dearest friends, I wonder what happened to the other one?)

· 10 Years Ago (1996): I was in my last year of primary school, a pretty good year, as I remember it. I was probably a bit of a geek but wasn’t picked on for it overly much, mostly because I’d found a group of friends who were similar. I lost touch with most of them when I changed schools, which is a pity.

· 5 Years Ago (2001): I was 15 and about a month from my GCSE’s. 5 years and 4 days ago was one of the most emotionally mixed days I’ve ever had. I think I can justifiably say it was the worst day of my life. I’d had a girl from Germany staying with me for a school exchange. I’d got up at about 4am because they’d got to get an early bus to the airport. I then went home, got changed and went to school. It was the last day of term and we’d only got morning classes so everybody was very excited, me included. It was my birthday in a week’s time and at least two of my friends were going on holiday, so a group of us went into town and spent the entire afternoon sitting upstairs in a café, talking, laughing and the case of one of my friends, trying to flirt with the waiter. I came home at about 4pm and found my mother in tears. She’d just been told she had cancer.
(She spent the next year in and out of hospital and another in chemotherapy, but, Goddess be thanked, did eventually recover.)

· 3 Years Ago (2003): I was in my first year of 6th form and mostly liking it. The personal problems I’d had in earlier years were greatly lessened by the persons responsible leaving at the end of the previous year. In about 3 months time, I’ll sit my AS levels, and my indecision over whether to apply for Engineering or Languages at university will be made for me when I fail math. It’ll sting, because I don’t like failing, but eventually (after some tears and several long talks with my father) I’ll realise that it’s better to play to my strengths. At this point I was also a redhead, a prefect and hopelessly enamoured with a certain “tall dark and handsome” who the last time I saw him could still make me melt with just a smile and is, as far as I know, still completely oblivious that the fact.

· 2 Years Ago (2004): I was about to turn 18, in my last year of school and had just got my university offers back. I vividly remember jumping up and down in the kitchen and shouting “yes!” when I got the letter saying I’d been accepted for the TQ programme. Other than that, my mother was on her way back to full health, I’d just been to Strasbourg for Euroscola and was now full of ideas about what I could do with a language degree and the youth newspaper I was then working for had just been voted best in the country.

· Last Year (2005): I was halfway though my first year of university and feeling pretty damn good. University had opened up my horizons, I’d become more comfortable with myself, and found friends who accepted me, supported me and generally made me very happy. Peterborough, I’d found I was a lot happier living in Newcastle. Working at the Harbour Project was hard sometimes, but is still the most fulfilling job I’ve ever done. I learned a lot that year.

· Yesterday: I had lectures from 8 til 5. Came home, cooked dinner, drafted a translation for this morning and then went to bed.

· Today: Got up early, had 3 lectures, got asked if I wanted to transfer one of my classes but had been forewarned by M. (Schneiders is apparently moaning that he has no students – they’ve all transferred out of his classes - has it occured to him that his teaching methods may be a factor here?) I’m going out dancing with the girls tonight!

· Tomorrow: Is Friday, and I have no lectures, so will sleep in and go grocery shopping, then will probably end up doing translations if I’m good or just being lazy if I’m not.

· Next Year (2007): I will be living in France and (I hope) starting to think about dissertation topics.

· 3 Years Forward (2009): I will have graduated the previous summer and will probably be doing post-grad study somewhere, though exactly what in, I’m not sure. When I started uni I was fairly sure I wanted to go into interpreting, but I’m now thinking about a law conversion and going into political / paralegal work. If I can, I’d like to go to a redbrick uni – I missed out on that the first time around. Unless there’s a rapid change in tution fees policy I’m also fairly sure that I will be horribly, horribly in debt.

· 5 Years Forward (2011): Unless I’ve ended up going down the eternal student route (which would be nice, but is generally prohibitively expensive) I will be out in the big wide world, trying to earn an honest living. I’m fairly sure I won’t be living in England. My mother will have just retired (unless she decides to keep working anyway, which wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest, she has trouble sitting still for 5 minutes)

· 10 Years Forward (2016): I’ll be 4 days off 30. Scary. I will supposedly be a proper grown up responsible adult. Scarier. I have no idea where I will be or what I will be doing. I hope it will be fun, it would be nice if it was at least reasonably well paid (since I’d rather not go through my entire life with a massive student debt on my tail) Other that that, I’ll take what comes.

· 15 Years Forward (2021): I’ll be 35, and if I end up having kids, then should at least have settled down by now. I can’t make plans about this sort of thing, on the one hand I think I would like children, and several (having been an only child, I’d want at least 2, preferably more). However, more of them means they need more time. I’d not want to be one of those mothers who gives birth and then ignores their offspring completely but on the other hand I can’t bear the thought of just being a housewife (no offence to anyone who is, but the idea of just staying at home all day makes my blood run cold) Once I’ve got the career I want, I’m not sure I’d want to give that up. Maybe that’s selfish of me, but I think that one of the worst things you can do to a child is bring them into a world where they aren’t wanted. So I don’t know, maybe I will, maybe I won’t. If I do, it will need a lot of thinking about and juggling, and a partner who is willing to truly share the workload. At the moment I can’t imagine ever being settled enough for it, but we’ll see. I’m assuming both my parents will have retired by now, if not before. I hope my mother got her house by the sea. My Grandmother, Goddess willing, will be turning 100 in a month’s time.

· 25 Years Forward (2031): I’ll be 45. If there are going to be children, they’ll be here by now. I don’t know where I’ll be, I don’t know what I’ll be doing but I hope I’m happy. My parents will be in their early 70’s by now, and enjoying their retirement. The child L is carrying will be in his or her mid twenties, not much older than I am now. I wonder what his or her world will be like? (I hope I’m a cool godmother!)
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